


How Steve Got His Groove Back

by Maia_saura



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Happy Steve Bingo, Kitten, M/M, Magic, Mistaken Identity, Princesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-24 22:35:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16184570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maia_saura/pseuds/Maia_saura
Summary: Steve was having such a great vacation until he woke up to an annoyed “chiiiiit.” Sometime during the night, Bucky had turned into a squirrel.





	How Steve Got His Groove Back

**Author's Note:**

> End notes for a potential eek and mild spoilers...

Steve was having such a great vacation until he woke up to an annoyed “chiiiiit.” Sometime during the night, Bucky had turned into a squirrel. 

Bucky stared at Steve with his now big brown eyes, and said, “Chee chiiit CHIIIIIITT!” 

Then Bucky ducked into the pile of clothes he had worn to bed the previous night and started rifling for what Steve could only assume was one of Bucky’s many knives or guns.

Although, with no opposable thumbs, Steve wondered how Bucky could possibly—

“Focus Rogers,” Steve scolded himself, since Bucky had clearly lost the ability to do it.  

This was not the weirdest thing that has happened to them, Steve thought despairingly.  This wasn’t even the weirdest thing that has happened to them this year.

Which was why he had Stephen Strange on speed dial.

~~~

Bucky was having such a great vacation until he woke up in a cave.  Naked.  

There was a llama staring at him quizzically.  Bucky sincerely hoped it would not spit on him.  

It did not.  Instead, it said, “You’re kind of hairy for a princess” in a language that Bucky didn’t recognize, but understood.  Fuck Hydra. But also, a little useful?

What was even his life?

~~~

As it turned out, Doctor Strange was having some issues of his own.

“BUSY!” Strange said as he projected into Steve’s mind what looked like several tentacles slowly wrapping around Strange’s torso and tightening their hold.  Steve wasn’t sure if it was a villain thing or a sex thing, but since Strange didn’t say ‘help’ Steve wasn’t going to ask.

He hung up the phone, and mentally flipped through his contact list to figure out who he should call for backup because this was definitely outside his area of expertise.

~~~

The llama was pacing in the cave, and bleating in a very disconcerting way every few laps even though it clearly had an impressive human vocabulary.  Bucky didn’t think he would actually meet anyone more melodramatic than Steve, but here he was.

“How could you possibly be the prettiest princess in the land?” the llama stopped in front of Bucky and headbutted him in what Bucky could only assume was frustrated anger.  But because Bucky was an enhanced super soldier, and the llama was… well whatever the llama was, it passed out from the impact. It definitely was not an enhanced llama.

Bucky sighed.  

While Bucky appreciated the silence to collect his thoughts, Bucky was now naked in a cave with an unconscious llama.  So things were not really improving.

~~~

Shuri stared at Steve and didn’t immediately say anything after Steve explained to her the situation.  Steve did not know the princess very well, but given Bucky’s descriptions of her, this appeared to be incongruent to her character.  Possibly, she was contemplating how she got herself involved with two centenarians like Steve and Bucky.

Steve’s eyes flicked behind Shuri to avoid Shuri’s now recognizably judgey eyes, and Steve recognized the lab that Shuri was in…

Oh, urgh.  

“You’re in luck Cap, I know just the superhero,” Tony popped out of the background like an over-caffeinated meerkat.  “We’ll be there soon. You just make sure you don’t lose your boyfriend.”

The call disconnected.  

Steve stared at the empty space where the display hologram had been until Bucky finally emerged from his pile of clothes with a haunted look.  Did he just realize he wouldn’t able to use his weapons?

Then Steve noticed that Bucky now had his Kimoyo beads in his mouth.  

“Do you think we should call Shuri back, Buck?” 

Bucky gave Steve a baleful look, as he was unable to speak with his mouth full of advanced communication equipment, and took off running.

“Bucky, wait!”

~~~

Bucky had examined the cave seventy-two times for a hidden door, but no luck.  Whoever his kidnappers were (he was betting on magic users given the givens), they were not amateurs.  

Bucky had twelve concrete theories on who might be after him, including Hydra occultists and Strange having a nervous breakdown.

Then the kitten appeared in a puff of purple glitter.  

“Bwahahahaha,” the kitten laughed in an absolutely adorable voice.  

~~~

“Bucky, come on,” Steve pled pitifully under a large tree.  Steve did not know what kind of tree it was except it made a very upsetting CRACK sound when Steve tried to climb it.  

Perched on one of the highest branches, Bucky threw a single Kimoyo bead at him.  Bucky’s aim was perfect as always, and the bead hit Steve squarely on the forehead, then it rolled off with a piercing electrical whine.  

Steve blinked twice, and briefly fantasized about smacking his head into the tree.

“CHIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!” Bucky screeched.  

~~~

“Hm…” the kitten said as it eyed Bucky like he was a specimen under a microscope.  “Not what I was expecting for a princess, but whatever, you work with what you have.”

The llama chose that moment to wake up.  It raised its head from where it was languishing on the floor and said, “I am not kissing that.”

Bucky contemplated the mildly concussed llama, then turned his attention back to the kitten.  The kitten was clearly in charge.

“What do you want from me?”

“I need you to engage in oral kinetic contact with the llama to conduct a minor dimensional shifting spell,” the kitten said reasonably, and then launched into a detailed explanation that Bucky immediately checked out from because even though theoretically he understood the individual words, he was completely lost as to their meaning when placed together.  

Bucky changed tactics, and tried to focus in on the details, on the smaller connecting phrases in the monologue.  The kitten continued on for several minutes, and eventually Bucky thought he got the salient points. “How is me kissing the llama going to get you back to your own dimension?”

The kitten shrugged.  It was so cute Bucky had to pinch himself to not to be taken in by it.  “It’s how the spell works.”

“But you’re supposed to be a pretty princess!” The llama complained, though it had yet to move from its spot on the ground.

~~~

Steve was seriously questioning all of his life choices when he heard the almost soundless approach of a Wakandan jet.  Thank God.

Bucky had not moved from where he had set up on top of the tree. Bucky had graciously not thrown anything else at Steve. But every so often, Bucky would chit at him in annoyance as if this all was somehow Steve’s fault.

The Wakandan jet hovered above the trees in a stationary position while Shuri, Tony, and a girl Steve didn’t recognized dropped out in a smooth floating platform that glided next to Steve like a leaf in the wind.  

“Cap, this is Squirrel Girl,” Tony pointed to the girl.  “Squirrel Girl, Captain America.”

Squirrel Girl came up to Steve immediately and held out her hand.  Steve tried very hard not to stare at her extremely fluffy squirrel tail… or the squirrel with the giant pink bow standing on its tippy toes on the girl’s left shoulder.  

Is this where he was headed?  Was he going to go through life with Bucky perched on his shoulder with squirrel sized weapons?  

“It’s a honor to meet you, Captain Rogers,” Squirrel Girl clearly was taught manners that Steve had completely lost some time in the past seventy years.  Then, because Steve was still trying to process and gaping like an idiot—squirrel tail???—this college aged girl who was handling everything better than Steve, looked up at Bucky in the tree, and asked, “Chiiiit chee chiiiit?”

~~~

“What else do you need for your spell to get you back home?” Bucky asked.  While he did not subscribe to the maxim, ‘if you can’t beat them, join them,’ the kitten was incredibly cute, and he’d kissed weirder things than a melodramatic llama.  The llama kind of reminded him of his goats actually.

Also, talking animals… so the not from this dimension thing seemed reasonable.  

“Bucky was supposed to get us some precious meteorite metal,” The kitten pulled out a scroll roughly the same size as the kitten from nowhere (the kitten clearly did not have pockets… but hey, talking feline). Then the kitten turned the scroll upside down.  “Did I do the recitation backward?”

Bucky’s few remaining brain cells finally connected.  “Did you say Bucky?”

~~~

“Well, his name is Bucky,” Squirrel Girl said after a few minutes of conversation with Bucky.  “But he says he doesn’t know you.”

Steve felt the blood drain from his face.  He was not ready for this again. “Bucky. Bucky!  BUCKY!” Steve couldn’t keep the franticness out of his voice as he tried to get Bucky’s attention.  Maybe if he looked at Steve more closely…

“Wowa, before you reenact some Marlon Brando—” Tony started, at the same time Shuri came up to Steve and gently tugged on his sleeve.  “Captain, this may not be our Bucky.”

“What do you mean?” Steve looked to Shuri, then to Squirrel Girl, pointedly ignoring Tony.  

“Bucky is a pretty common name for squirrels,” Squirrel Girl shrugged. “Bucky said he was looking for some meteorite metal to help his friends and him to get back home when you ambushed him.”

“Who are his friends?” Shuri asked.

~~~

The kitten magicked Bucky some clothes after Bucky asked for some.  (It was getting chilly in the cave.) But the clothes that appeared on Bucky was—- well it was—

A side of the cave suddenly opened, and Steve rushed in with Shuri, Stark Jr, and a girl Bucky didn’t recognize in tow.

The kitten and llama both squeaked and hid behind Bucky.  

A squirrel that came in with Steve ran to the kitten and llama and made a series of chit sounds that Bucky definitely did not understand.

“Is this your Bucky?” Bucky asked.  

“He says the big blonde one keeps on chasing him,” the llama said accusingly.

“Wait, are you talking to the animals?” Stark Jr squealed in a higher pitch than Bucky’s ever heard coming out of him.  “And what are you wearing? OH MY GOD, are you a Disney princess?”

“Buck, are you okay?” Steve talked over Stark, his eyes scanning Bucky for new holes.  Bucky could see the exact moment Steve was satisfied that Bucky was okay, and then processed what Bucky was wearing because Steve turned redder than a tomato.  It was a sight to behold.

Meanwhile, Shuri literally fell on the ground laughing.  

~~~

Rescuing Bucky turned out to be somewhat anticlimactic as Bucky the squirrel led them to his friends’ hideaway.  Squirrel Girl translating for him along the way.

Steve was not embarrassed by the case of mistaken identity, he was not—

But when Steve saw Bucky, the human Bucky, unhurt and wearing a royal blue dress with a petticoat, and a low cut neckline that showed off Bucky’s ample chest…

Steve, ever the epitome of WWII American Exceptionalism, felt his jaw drop open.  

There was a llama and a kitten that were talking at Bucky in some language Steve didn’t understand—but Steve’s brain had stopped processing and accepting data past what Bucky was wearing.  Because Bucky looked—

“Cap, you’re literally drooling,” Tony said. “Whatever you are thinking, you should wait until you two get a room—“.

They had a room— but right now Steve wasn’t sure he could move.  He was having a situation— in his pants.

“Quiet!” Shuri hissed in a low voice next to Tony.  Steve was only able to make out the words because of his enhanced hearing.  “Captain Rogers is finally understanding some truths about himself.”

~~~

Bucky wasn’t sure if he should laugh or cry.  All these years. If he had known all he had to do to get Steve to look at him like he was a feast laid out before Christmas was to wear a ball gown, he would have let Shuri dress him up the first time Steve came to visit after he came out of the freezer.  

“I am really confused by what is happening right now,” the llama said.  

“Cheee chit squeeak, “ the squirrel Bucky said.  

“This is kind of awkward,” the girl Bucky didn’t know said in English.  “I feel like maybe my history books made some pretty erroneous heteronormative assumptions.”

Steve still looked too stunned to talk. Bucky was a little concerned that the dress broke Steve.

That was, of course, when the wizard showed up.

~~~

Steve finally snapped out of just staring at Bucky and drooling like a creepy creeper when Strange stepped into the cave from nowhere.  

“Sorry, I got caught up with something,” Strange said and Steve very carefully avoided staring at the slime, and sucker shaped bruises on Strange’s neck.

“Some minor interdimensional shifts,” Strange continued.  “I’ve got this now.”

The kitten hopped on Strange’s shoulder, its eyes wide and its claws out.  

But Strange allowed it. Strange looked cowled as the kitten began what appeared to be a fairly lengthy diatribe.

~~~

The kitten clearly knew the wizard, and based on the scolding the kitten was in the middle of delivering, this wasn’t the first time this sort of thing had happened.  Bucky only half listened. He tuned out all together when the kitten started to rant about a squid?

His eyes fell back on Steve, who looked more and more awkward in the cave.  Steve was now literally shuffling his feet back and forth.

Bucky sighed. Something was wired wrong in Bucky’s brain, because the more awkward Steve looked, the more Bucky wanted to smush that stupid oaf in a non platonic--um--hug.

Without looking, Bucky also knew Shuri was rolling her eyes.  The girl with the tail looked about ready to bolt out of this looney bin.

The llama finally interrupted the kitten’s demolishment of Strange’s manhood.  “Can we go home now? Does this mean I don’t have to kiss the hairy princess anymore?”

“Yes, of course, your majesty. My apologies. I will send you on your way right away,” Strange said without missing a beat.

“Cheeet chiiiiit, chiiit,” the squirrel Bucky said as it climbed on the llama.  The other squirrel, the one that was most likely from this dimension waved its paw in farewell.  

“You can keep the dress,” the kitten told Bucky as it too climbed on the llama.  

Strange did some sort of a complicated gesture with his hands, and the talking animals were gone between one breath and the next.  

Then Strange turned to them, and waved his hand in a giant circle.

~~~

And they were all back outside where the Wakandan jet was still hovering quietly above them.  

Bucky was still wearing The Blue Dress, and Steve was still experiencing—problems with his pants.

“Until next time,” Strange said, as if this was just any other Tuesday.

Tony gestured to his own neck to try to alert Strange of the state of the slime and sucker marks.  

Strange tucked his collar up higher in response, and shrugged, disappearing as he had appeared.

“Is it me or is the wizard getting weirder?” Tony gestured to the group as a whole.

“He practices magic,” Shuri said as if that explained everything.  Then she very firmly tugged on Tony’s shirt and began to drag him back onto the platform that had transported them from the jet.  Squirrel Girl followed. 

As she was leaving, Shuri said, “I’m glad that resolved itself quickly so you have plenty of time to enjoy the rest of your vacation Captain. See you later, Bucky.  I packed a lot of-umm supplies for you in your bag.”

Tony dramatically raised his eyebrows at Steve.  “Right. We gotta get going. We left biohazardous experiments in the oven…”

“Nice to meet you Captain, Sargent,” Squirrel Girl said, polite as ever.  Maybe she’s Canadian.

Bucky waved at them in his Blue Dress and watched them beat a hasty retreat back to the Wakandan jet.  

~~~

“Um…” Steve said, not meeting Bucky’s eyes.  Bucky knew Steve was trying. He could read Steve’s body language like an eight pager from the old days.  

Fuck it.  Bucky decided.  He was going to put them both out their misery.  

“You like the dress, pal?” Bucky stepped closer in to Steve’s personal space and watched in fascination as Steve fought not to stare at Bucky’s chest through the opening of the dress.

“I...um… you look nice.  Not like a dame.. but… ooof”

Bucky shut Steve up with a kiss to save him from himself.  

There was a tiny poof around them, and suddenly Steve was wearing a ridiculous dress too.  

Steve didn’t seem to notice as he busily chased Bucky’s mouth.  

Bucky mentally shrugged, grabbed a fistful of red velvet fabric and pulled the two of them closer.

Finally.  

~~~

Finally.  

It took at least twenty minutes before Steve realized something was different.

“What the hell am I wearing?”

**Author's Note:**

> Story features Stephen Strange having an unknown encounter with something that has tentacles. (Steve doesn’t judge, but he doesn’t know what’s going on. He doesn’t want to know. He really hopes he never finds out.)
> 
> Characters magicked from Emperor’s New Groove, and diabolically used to help Steve along. And yes, the squirrel is actually named Bucky...
> 
> Also,  
> https://www.buzzfeed.com/luisdelvalle/yzma-role-model


End file.
